How bad do I want me?
In which I mention Gaga's meat dress two whole times
Dear reader,
I don’t have a lot of marital advice, but here’s a little of it: Pick someone you’re not constantly making excuses for and who makes you feel proud of who you are. Try not to leave a peanut butter-covered spoon in the sink. And buy a pair of noise canceling over-the-ear headphones if you’re the kind of neurodivergent queen who can listen to the same song for four hours.
This weekend, the song was “How Bad Do U Want Me” by Lady Gaga, an artist, I’ll admit, has never meant much to me, but whose songs sometimes become part of my four-hour-repeat arsenal.
One of my favorite cultural critics and also one of my cutest friends, Russell Falcon, wrote about this Taylor Swift soundalike track for KTLA:
“The Taylor-ness of Gaga’s phrasing and vocals is particularly pronounced when she sings the title of the song. It’s almost like Gaga is wondering to herself: How bad do they wish it was Taylor releasing music and not me?”
Lady Gaga is a powerhouse. She played the Superbowl. She survived wearing a meat dress to the point where no one is mentioning the meat dress anymore, except me. She hosted SNL and was the musical guest. She does it all. And even Lady Gaga’s incredibly self-assured, self-confidence anthems are asking the question, “Are you not more entertained by someone else?”
On Taylor Swift’s reissue of Red, she dueted with Phoebe Bridgers and asked the same question: “Are we only biding time ‘til I lose your attention? And someone else lights up the room?”
This is all to say, we’re all looking at someone else’s paper even if we’re the most meat dressed, Phoebe Bridgers-friended superstar. In our creative lives, this can be most obvious.
Elicia Donze writes, “People hate their own art because it looks like they made it. They think if they get better, it will stop looking like they made it. A better person made it. But there's no level of skill beyond which you stop being you. You hate the most valuable thing about your art.”
Sometimes I feel like I’m less confident about my paintings because I’m self-taught and lean into my own style too fast too furious, but maybe this isn’t the case. Maybe one of the most artistic things about me is that I am situating myself in a landscape of artists of all different stripes and sometimes this contrast is uncomfortable. Maybe the fact that I sense these differences is part of my power. Maybe the most valuable part of my art is knowing that it’s different and striving to erase the hate Donze writes about.
Now that I’ve solved the problem of creative comparison and jealousy (you’re welcome by the way), what do I do with my focus on creating in my own font and knowing when it’s bad or good. This is a larger conversation for a less sleepy, Daylight Savings Time-y newsletter. However, I hold onto this nugget of wisdom from Welsh psychoanalyst Adam Phillips: “You can’t write differently, even if you want to. You just have to be able to notice when you are boring yourself.”
One of the fastest ways to bore myself is making something someone else has or could or would want to.
This week, I’m trying to internalize all of this. I want the confidence balanced with the self-awareness of comparison of the pop stars (in my trusty marriage-saving headphones). I want to embrace the singularity of my experience, and, subsequently, the things I make and share. I want the power to start over when I start to bore myself. I am wishing the same for you!
💐💐💐
Guess what! An amazing angel patron of the arts is sponsoring a giveaway for two lucky fun-loving, solstice-enjoying crafter to attend my flower crown workshop collab with Luvsick Plus Vintage!
To enter the giveaway, check out the post here!
The event is going to be a blast. Here are the details:
Date and time: Friday, March 21st from 7-9
Price: $40 includes snacks and drinks, all materials, and a 20% discount
Location: Luvsick Plus, 2706 N Sawyer Ave, Chicago, Illinois 60647
Much more on the horizon but don’t forget to enter the giveaway! It’s a great way to support two small, women-owned businesses and to guarantee a night spent away from your phone and Traitors. No judgment, just my way is better.
xo,
Emma