⭐or store-bought is fine⭐
This year was a playlist
Dear reader,
This year, we let the ibuprofen talk.
I had some incredibly high highs (WORKSHOPS! MARKETS! New hobbies! New friends! Blissful days in the sun!) and some extended lows (bronchitis for six weeks as a prelude to a months-long back injury recovery? Sure, why not!).
I’m a devotee of New Year’s reflections. Every year, I paint a self-portrait, I make sequins-worthy plans, I craft a vision board, and I crack a new planner. This year feels especially hard to say goodbye to because it was difficult to get through and easy to write off as a wash.
Prompted by my co-president of the New Years Vision Board Committee, Caroline Stratton, I decided to revisit my year in the form of music. I saw some true bangers of live musical performances this year, including at the last Pitchfork Chicago (pour one out - so glad I caught 100 Gecs and Queen of Canada Carly Rae Jepsen with some of my most treasured friends). I had a religious experience seeing Air perform Moon Safari at the Auditorium Theatre. I lost my voice singing along to “Beverly Hills” by Weezer, led by the keyboardist of Cheekface, while the lead singer tried to fix a guitar pedal before the chorus ended.
Spotify wrapped gives me a lot. It reminds me, “Hey girl, you really need to log off sometimes!” by telling me about the 197k minutes of music I listened to. This list of songs that were meaningful to my year are not my top ten songs (honestly, if Spotify were a little more honest, it would’ve listed “Good Luck Babe” for all ten of my top spots), but they’re integral to how I’ll remember this year and how I approach the next. Here’s the playlist.
“Semi-Charmed Life” - Third Eye Blind “And I won’t run for my life”
On New Years 2020, we started the tradition of asking someone to set the vibe for the New Year by choosing the first song to listen to after the ball dropped. Ironically, 2020’s selector (identity protected here) chose “All My Friends” by LCD Soundsystem. I don’t know if you remember 2020, but we spent a lot of our nights missing our friends. Cursed selection.
On New Years 2024, we chose “Semi-Charmed Life” as the song of the year, and like usual, it was exactly correct for the 12-month vibe. This year was joyful and familiar as a song from 1990s FM radio. It was serious as a drug problem (see: ibuprofen, above). It was charmed, but only halfway.
Notably, we also pick a motto for every year out of a hat. This year’s was “Or store-bought is fine” - the perfect Ina Garten reference to match our semi-charmed year.
“I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” - Taylor Swift ‘Cause I’m a real tough kid / I can handle my shit / They said “Babe, you gotta fake it til you make it” / and I did’
There’s been a lot of pressure (real and imagined) to make the absolute most of my new endeavors as an artist and a freelancer. There were times I pushed through posting instagrams, picking up a paintbrush, rattling your cages to ask you to come to my workshops, when I absolutely would have rather screamed into a pillow instead of the void of the internet. But god dammit, I did it. We made flower crowns. We made Valentine’s. You spun market wheels. I hosted parties. We got there!
When Tortured Poets Department came out and we all picked our jaws up off the floor because it was, in fact, written about truly annoying edgelord Matty Healy, this song is the only one that fully spoke to me. This year was a shock in many ways, but a familiar thread was that I pushed through and even left some sparkle in my wake.
“we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” - Ariana Grande “I don’t wanna tiptoe, but I don’t wanna hide”
Speaking of unexpected, another thread of this year was being completely floored by artists who I’d never rated before, including this Ariana Grande record. This was spinning almost constantly during my prolonged illness, and I found myself losing my inhibitions and preconceived notions or what a pop artist can be. This could easily be a Billie Eilish song, as she also came out of left field and pushed some wind through my sails.
“Get Numb To It!” - Friko “And it doesn’t get better, it just gets twice as bad because you let it / So, you better get numb to it.”
My back injury put me on my ass (and often, doing stretches on my stomach) from July until September, conservatively. Doctors love to dismiss women’s pain, and dismiss my pain they did! I had to cancel markets, workshops, gallery shows, and plans for months, and this song, which sounds so much like the Saddle Creek music of my youth, was a prayer on my lips and a reminder that feeling everything is not always possible or advisable. Moving forward can mean moving through - but it also means moving past.
“Dinner with Friends” - Kacey Musgraves “The things I would miss from the other side”
Kacey has been putting out records that stay spinning at our place, from Golden Hour on sunny Sunday late afternoons, to Star-Crossed while I load the laundry (“I just want to be a good wife” - Star-Crossed apologists RISE). This new record, Deeper Well, was a slow burn (get it?!) for me, but this song caught on immediately. It plays like a list of things that move the artist. From simple joys like a pink champagne cake to the wide expanses of the universe in a sunrise, this song reminds me so much of a heart swell.
One of my most tried and true methods of pushing through melancholy and self-doubt is to make a list of things that are good in the world. It’s almost impossible not to pull myself up the next rung of the ladder with the power of these lists, and hearing Kacey’s list is a beautiful reminder.
“anthems” - Charli XCX “I want anthems, late nights, my friends, New York. I sleep and I wake up brand new”
I’m not trying to brag, but several parties have reported to me that I broke Brat summer to them. Yes, I listened to that record on big repeat for months, but this year also reminded me of a song that was important to my early pandemic. “anthems” is about missing the party scene during 2020 and it’s honestly a little dramatic to include here, but I’m a little (a lot?) dramatic. Hyper pop was a huge part of my listening landscape this year, propelling me out of the lows of being apartment-bound to have a little party in my headphones. Thank you Charli, my #1 Angel.
“I Had Some Help (Feat. Morgan Wallen highly unfortunately)” - Post Malone “They say teamwork makes the dream work, / Hell, I had some help”
This is the only song on this list that I’m embarrassed about, but it would also be deceptive to not include this objectively silly song by America’s most collaborative artist, Post Malone. This year was all about humbling myself and asking for help and making a mess. This song was a karaoke duet I did twice in one night, something I’ve somehow never done. It’s still on my hyperfixation playlist you’ll never see. Thanks to everyone who had a hand in mucking shit up this year and to those who helped clean it up.
“Beetlebum” - Blur
As a tween, I wrote Blur fanfiction (it no longer exists, don’t text me). As a teen, I made my own band t-shirts. As an early-twenty something, I saw Andrew Bird something like 20 times in Washington DC, Chicago, Baltimore, and Wisconsin.
In previous years, I was kind of like that Taylor Swift shirt that says “A lot going on at the moment” - not so in 2024! This year, I made my triumphant return to fangirldom. I bought Taylor’s Versions on vinyl. I read wikipedia pages so far down a rabbit hole that I think I’m still in there. I painted famous rockstars, athletes, temporary icons, and CHER, and I was unencumbered by shame. I am cringe but I am free.Throwback to Blur fandom.
“Wristwatch” - MJ Lenderman “I’ve got a houseboat docked at the Himbo Dome”
If I had known when I sat next to MJ Lenderman during Kara Jackson’s (superb!) set at Pitchfork this year that he was about to put out a song with the lyric “I’ve got a houseboat docked at the Himbo Dome,” I would’ve made an effort to speak with him directly. This song is all about knowing your direction and maybe about Apple watches? I don’t know, man. Himbo Dome is the perfect transition to a big part of my year, becoming a crazed Toronto Maple Leafs hockey fan. Did you know that hockey players are cute and some are dumb? IKTR. Load up the Matthew Knies fancams, I’m hopping in the houseboat.
“Kisscam” - Turtlenecked “Sports and uniforms / Only set the scene for our hands together still”
More on hockey? More on hockey. Not to keep harping on this, but having a back injury is a lesson in prolonged obsession with pain and distracting yourself from it. An old standby for this distraction for me is sports. Knowing that the Cubs were not going to make it to the playoffs, I decided to throw myself into something completely new: hockey.
Not being able to picture myself putting pretty racist duds on my body in the pursuit of Chicago hockey fandom, I decided to start watching the Toronto Maple Leafs (why is it not leaves? Charming!). My friend Avery lives in Ontario, knows a lot about hockey, and knows the lore. With her and Sam as my buddies (see, LEAFS LADS group text), I dedicated myself to something called HOCKTOBER. I watched every Leafs game (okay, I haven’t missed a game this season. Is that what you want to hear?) and read only hockey books. I googled how the statistics worked. I learned about junior league stats of big players in the NHL now. I revealed that my ugliest, most foul-mouthed sports coach side to my husband (who remains in this marriage despite this reveal). I watched TikToks of Michigan goals (google it, that stuff goes crazy).
This song is from The Dare (TOP dog of my year in music) musician Harrison Patrick Smith’s previous project. It’s all about getting drunk and kissing at a baseball game, which is an American pastime. But to me, it’s a tribute to throwing myself full into something new and being a lot goofy with it.
“Free Yourself” - Jessie Ware “Don’t stand there waiting all of your life / For the night to come and find you / The clock is ticking baby, now is the time”
Truly the GOAT of Jessie Ware songs, this is my vision for 2025. I hope we are all a little more free next year, from anxiety, from fear, from seasonal allergies, from shame, from big pharma.
Put on the sequined jumpsuit. Free yourself!
xo,
Emma
PS:
As always, please share with anyone you think might love this newsletter! Check me out here: